First times

I went for a 5km run today for the first time.

                To amend that – I’ve been on a lot of 5km runs, but always alone and in an effort to finish about as quickly as possible.  To get in a cardiovascular workout and burn a few hundred calories, that’s always been my aim.

                Today I went on a ‘run’ that was 10 minutes slower than my average 5km time, and I immediately went out and ate a big breakfast at a greasy spoon, but it was one of the best fitness experiences I’ve ever had, because it taught me something.  I enjoyed running with others, learned that, and it felt good to show up in support of an important cause (Toronto Sick Kids Hospital, in this case).  I learned I like the feeling of crossing a finish line – and I learned that a dream I’ve had for a little while now is something I am ready to make into a goal. 

                I want to devote some time and energy in my life towards raising awareness about Mitochondrial disease, and fundraising to help support research into a field that is beginning to increase in medical importance.  My sister died of MELAS (Mitochondrial Encephalopathy, Lactic Acid & Stroke-like episodes) in 2010, and not long after I learned that I too am carrying around a percentage of mutated mitochondria in my body.  The difference between her and I comes down only to symptoms – I seem to have none, and she had many.  As a result I feel that I have been given a chance to take action, and use this body to do so.  I have the potential to be strong, grow in endurance, and live a long life, all of which are things she was physically incapable of being thanks to the condition with which we were born and which developed in her. 

                With all this potential resting inside me, I’ve known for a little while that I wanted to follow in wake of friends who have devoted time and energy towards using their own physical potential to raise awareness and money for causes close to them.  One friend mountain-climbed in Peru with sponsors behind her, in order to commemorate her mother who had passed away from cancer.  Another learned her husband had caught the signs of Leukemia just in time to start his life-saving treatment and began fundraising for blood cancers so quickly it made my head spin a little.  As a new mother she committed to running a half-marathon and sold self-designed t-shirts, and the first time she did this I remember thinking, “I don’t think I could handle a half-marathon, that’s just amazing.”  The second time she announced she would be running I had been working on my own fitness for some time and thought, “That is so impressive...I wonder if I could train for it successfully like she did.” 

                When I crossed the finish line today I realised that I wanted to keep going, and that I want to put a deadline on this dream to transform it from potential into reality.  I want to run a half-marathon on May 4^th 2014 as my first public step on what will be a life-long journey of dealing with MELAS, and hopefully raise both awareness and money that I can give to the UMDF (the United Mitochondrial Disease Foundation), who support research and families dealing with Mitochodrial-related illness. 

                I read an article today that rang some hard truths about (the general unhappiness of) Generation Y, and I hate to admit that in the checklist at the beginning I was able to tick off about half of the criteria.  In my defense, every other blog I’ve ever started was abandoned within a year (if not much, much sooner) when that earlier excitement over potentially having my ‘specialness’ recognized gave way to the realization that this was not only unlikely but pretty unnecessary.  I know this is yet another blog, but this time I’m doing this to try and stay committed, accountable, and reflective in my journey.  When my sister’s health was really deteriorating, and after she first died, I used my tumblr account to help process my feelings in short journal entries.  They helped more than I realised at the time, and unsurprisingly, as my grief has become less intense and I’ve been blessed with some astounding good fortune in recent years, the need for that reflection petered off.  That being said, I’ve been starting to feel that while the sharp and powerful need for an opportnity to reflect and express myself (grief, uncertainty, anger) has dulled, I should still try not to ignore these feelings and thoughts, or pretend they are all in the past.  I’ve also been feeling that taking time to chronicle good things in my life should be done as well, to help ensure they are never taken for granted and so I can reflect on those memories with a bit more clarity in times of future need. 

                So that’s what this blog will hopefully be: a project on tackling challenges as they come (as I’m sure they will as I train for this athletic event), self-reflection, and realising potential.  I’ve set the goal.

First written on: Saturday, September 14th.  Committed to publishing & my goal on: September 18th (slightly cold feet, okay?!)